Elegy for Dominic

I trace circles

—Looking for traces of you.

I pace the rooms,

Their emptiness confirms my own.

 

I made to move the elder out

Clean the room and lock the door:

Holding all in readiness for you.

I still want to lock the door

Bar my preparations from my sight

Forget the room existed

A place you’ll never know

I want to unknow it too.

 

I look outside

The world

It feels immense and empty.

Child, how did one so small

Take up so much space

That the world now feels impossibly

Large?

 

I would need all the beautiful

Words from every language

To give to you

I don’t know them all.

 

The broken chords seem more broken

No music there

No sound

“Silence is the language of God.”

 

So you spoke to me through the hours

I held your body

Soul already flown

Unfettered from this world

From my life.

 

You went with the light of day

Softly, in your father’s arms.

They saved me to walk the mortal world

With your brothers.

 

I trace my world

Searching like a frantic bird

For the remnants of its wings…

You flew on.

 

And I love you so.

 

I have been here before

On this river of tears

It feels so different and yet

All the same

 

Row forward!  First one hand

Then another— no other journey to make

Different trees, different rocks,

The same grief

Row

Scan the shore – no little one

Gone ahead

 

I know beauty returns to the world

Part of the feathers you shed

Flying before me – I’ll find them in the future

Glistening plumage amongst the trees

Echos of your song will wing their way

Back to me

I’ll hear them and smile

But not today, my sparkling firebird.

 

For now I’ll row on

I’ll count the trees

Search the rocks

Beg the sky to be less vast

 

So I can feel less lost

Less empty

Less broken

 

I love you so…

 

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~ by Rebecca Erickson on October 7, 2016.

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